Is Moving Back in With My Parents a Good Idea?
For many young people, moving our of their parents’ home and getting a place of their own is a rite of passage that marks their new beginning as an independent adult. Unfortunately, sometimes circumstances prevent them from staying completely independent, and they end up returning to the nest for a while. That can bring up a lot of mixed feeling for both the parents and their offspring.
Is moving back in with my parents a good idea? Yes, it can be, as long as you and your parents feel comfortable with the move.
More often than not, moving back in with parents feels like an involuntary step back – a temporary halt in a grown-up child’s independent gallop through the hardships of life. When a child makes up their mind to return to their childhood home as an adult, the choice can be a direct consequence of financial struggles – too little or no income at all, a recent job loss, high debts, or even bleak income prospects in the foreseeable future.
Another common reason to move back in with your parents can be to give yourself time to plan out your future and save enough money after a recent graduation from a college or university. Going through a personal turmoil like a painful breakup or a devastating divorce can also be a valid reason to lay low for a while by moving in with your parents.
In any case, you have already made that important decision or it has been made for you. Now, before you pack up your bags, have a look at the following tips for moving back in with parents simply because, for better or worse, the rules of the game have changed.
Discuss the Move with Your Mom and Dad
Luckily, the rules for moving back in with your parents aren’t set in stone. The exact way both you and they approach this awkward situation depends primarily on the specific relationship with your folks. If you and your parents have always been on friendly terms, have supported each other through the years, have kept in regular contact and have had no major fights that may have broken your special parent-child relationship, then you should expect to have understanding and compassion from them, and you will most likely be welcomed to stay with them until you get back on your feet.
Nevertheless, things may have changed since the last time you were in your childhood home, so your first step to surviving a move back in with your parents is to sit down with them and discuss at length everyone’s expectations. An open and honest pre-move discussion is a must because it will eliminate false hopes and unpleasant misunderstandings from both parties. You need to remember that the house you’re about to move into is your folk’s home now. You probably won’t be allowed the same freedoms you used to enjoy as a child. After all, your parents are surely making a sacrifice to have you back, be it temporarily, so it’s your duty to make the stay as smooth and problem-free as possible.
Pay Your Dues
One of the best pieces of advice on how to move back in with parents is to act like the adult you have become. After the strongly recommended pre-move discussion, both you and your parents should feel much more comfortable with the new living arrangements. Since you’re not a little kid anymore, the inevitable household costs should be divided among the adults living under the same roof. In other words, you should consider making a financial contribution while staying with your folks, such as paying rent and/or sharing the increased household expenses, including the grocery bills.
However, if your financial struggles were the main reason to move back with your parents in the first place, then it’s highly possible that you won’t be able to contribute to the family budget, at least not in the very beginning. On the other hand, your folks may not want you to pay for anything, thus giving you a great opportunity to save up enough money to find a place of your own in the near future. If that is the case, then don’t forget to offer assistance with the various household chores in exchange – you can be sure that your parents will appreciate that.
Whatever arrangement you are able to make, it may be helpful to remind yourself that it won’t be a permanent state of affairs. Having a realistic goal in mind for reestablishing your independence can give you a framework to chart your progress. It can also help prevent you from becoming discouraged while you’re back living under your parents’ roof.
Respect the House Rules
After moving back to your parents’ house, the main idea is to remain an independent adult who still respects the new house rules. In fact, reverting back to your childhood habits is something you should avoid at all costs. For example, while it’s true that you will no longer have curfews like you used to, common courtesy dictates that you should still inform your folks that you’re going out with friends and that you may be late. After all, having your Dad and Mom worry about you, again, is not the best start of a harmonious life in a shared home.
Moreover, if you and your parents should have disagreements, prove to them that you have become a reasonable man or woman, and approach the issue diplomatically. Find a convenient time to discuss whatever is disturbing the peace and do your best to reach a shrewd solution that will be in everybody’s interest.
Have a Master Plan to Move Out Again
The process of moving back with your parents is not always as straightforward as it may seem at first. The most important aspect of your forced decision to take this backward step is to treat the entire matter as a short-term solution. In other words, you should have a good plan for how and when you’ll be moving out of your parents’ home again.
First of all, inform your folks that you’re planning on staying with them only until you find a new job, save up enough money to get a place of your own, or maybe even until you pay off your debt. It’s important that everybody understands, including yourself, that the new living arrangement is only temporary. This way, it’ll be much easier for all of you to show tolerance and understanding towards your inevitably different lifestyles and points of view.
Secondly, set specific goals and work hard to achieve them. Be flexible and adaptive at the same time – if your spending habits get in the way of your successful exit strategy, then don’t hesitate to fine-tune or even drastically change the way you manage your finances.
Thirdly, don’t forget to tell your parents how much you love them, and how much their invaluable help means to you. This kind of currency is better than money!
And finally, consider getting professional relocation assistance when moving in or out of your parents’ home so they can focus on their more pressing matters.
Once you complete the tasks you set up for yourself and begin to get on your feet financially, you can start to plan a new move to another location if you desire. The important thing is to learn from your experiences and move forward with more knowledge, experience and a more stable financial footing. That will go a long way toward making your next move more rewarding.